Reunion

So, I'm on this email list for current and former airborne Spanish linguists. Waldo mentioned it a couple of months ago on her blog.

The group has a reunion every year in different places with significance to that community and this year it will be in Omaha. I've never really considered going to one of these, but this year they're dedicating a memorial to a friend who was killed in action just over 6 years ago. Between the memorial dedication, getting to see my old workplace (it's not just a place you can walk into and visit), seeing the inside of one of the planes I used to fly on, and seeing some old friends, I'm seriously considering going this year.

Anyhow, the complication, as always, is my transition. I've seen a few of the people I was in the military with since I've transitioned but haven't seen the majority of the people who would be attending the reunion. The people I've met don't seem to have issues with it but I'm not sure I can say the same thing about the wider group.

I'm pretty sure most of the people I knew back then already know my story, so it won't really be much of a surprise. It's just a really tight-knit group (and somewhat small) so it will be hard to fade into the background if I'm not feeling all that comfortable. I've been surprised by the generally good reaction I've gotten from the people I've told or the stories I've heard through the grapevine about other people finding out. But this is a group of retired and active duty conservative military types.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do yet. A big part of me wants to just go and deal with whatever BS I happen to encounter, if any. There have been a number of similar situations in the past couple of years (see my post about Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family) that I thought would go much worse than they did, so I'm not sure I need to psyche myself out of this one just for fear of what may happen. For whatever reason though, this one seems scarier.

Friends

I'm feeling kind of bummed out right now. I'm a week late for a hormone shot, so that might have something to do with it...

The past few days have been quiet around here. Too quiet. No one has called or emailed or stopped by to see how I'm doing in quite a while now and it's getting to me tonight. I'm starting to wonder if I never made the effort to get in touch with anyone, how long it would take certain people to even notice.

I'm not sure I'm trying to blame anyone here and say that they aren't good friends...things are just feeling a little too one-sided these days in pretty much every relationship in my life. I've always kept in touch with people and maybe everyone's just come to expect that I'll be calling sometime soon so they don't ever add it to their mental to-do list.

I don't like feeling this way though. I'm not the type of person who keeps score on how many times I've gotten in touch with someone vs. how many times they've reached out to me. I call people when I feel like talking to them, that's it.

I think I'm just worried about ending up as one of those people who slips in the shower and no one realizes I'm dead for a month. I suppose if I'm dead it really doesn't matter, but it still bugs me.

If you're reading this, I'm likely not talking about you. The people I have in mind are people who I'm pretty sure either don't know I have a blog or have forgotten that I do. I just needed to vent a little and the people I'd usually call up and do that with are a little too close to the situation.

Friday

I couldn't think of a creative title, so you get the day of the week. :)

It's been one of those weeks from hell, if it wasn't obvious from some of my recent posts. Between flooding and moving, I also have some friends in town for the Creating Change conference. Oh yeah, my internet also went out for most of the day yesterday. Poor me...

I suppose I should clarify that the friends in town part wasn't hell. I've actually had a really nice time hanging out with Bil and Jerame again, it just came during a really grueling week.

I'm way behind on getting moved...I thought I'd have most of the small things that don't require a U-Haul out of here this week. With all of the apartment drama over the past couple of days, I think things are even more disorganized than they were at the beginning of the week.

I have the truck reserved for Sunday so I hope to be staying in the new place that night. Brilliant me didn't realize that there's some game called the Super Bowl that day, so moving help from friends has been pretty hard to come by. If you're in Denver and don't care about watching the game and would like to help me move, let me know.

Sometimes good people support bad organizations

I was reading a friend of a friend's blog the other night and was reminded that sometimes otherwise kick-ass people support really bad organizations.

I hope this doesn't sound like an indictment/judgment about anyone in particular - especially Mickity, whom I've never met but, based on her blog, is someone I probably have a lot in common with. This is more of a reminder to myself not to automatically judge people who may be out ringing bells for the Salvation Army, supporting the Knights of Columbus, or even - *gasp* - shopping at Walmart.

There's a difference between the evil that organizations do as collectives and the individual people who may be involved with those organizations and I think it's important for me to remember that distinction.

Belated holiday greetings

I was talking to a friend today when I was reminded that I have a blog and that it hasn't been updated in a while. It's funny just how fast time flies by these days. Actually, it's not funny at all - it's kind of scary.

Before I get into what has been going on in my life over the past couple of months, some quick housekeeping... Like usual, I said I would do something on this blog that I haven't gotten around to with the listing of businesses in Colorado who contributed to Prop 8. At this point, I think I've lost the will to sift through all of the data and put that list together. The L.A. Times has a great Prop 8 donor search page that you can look through if you want to follow the money trail yourself. I'm too emotionally burnt out over the whole thing to go dredging up that anger at this particular point in time. I think my first resolution for the new year will be to not make any more promises to the readers of this blog. :)

Ok, on to happier topics...

I found myself with a week off from work over Thanksgiving and decided to drive out to California to visit some friends and family. Originally, I was just going to hang out in the L.A. area but my plans changed when I found out that one of my cousins, who lives in Phoenix, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was scheduled for a double mastectomy the day before Thanksgiving so I changed my plans to head through Arizona and visit her on my way home at the end of the week.

When I got out to California, Susan, Caz, and I decided to head out to Vegas for a couple of days instead of hanging out at her parent's house the whole time. As far as Vegas trips go, this one was pretty uneventful but we had a good time (and lost too much money). I really enjoyed seeing Susan again - we can never spend enough time together.

On Thanksgiving, I was invited over to an aunt's house for dinner. I'm not sure if I mentioned it on my blog or in any of my shows previously, but my Mom took a *really* long time to tell her side of the family about my transition. So long, in fact, that I'd already had surgery when she finally told everyone in June or July.

I can't really blame her for her hesitancy in breaching the subject. I had an uncle who was terminally ill - and has since passed away, R.I.P. - and she thought that my news on top of everything that was happening with him would just add stress on the family. My Mom's side of the family is also pretty devoutly Catholic and fairly conservative so I'm not sure any of us had hope that the news would go over well. To our amazement, no one had a bad reaction to the news and just took it in stride.

Back to Thanksgiving. Dinner at my aunt's house would be the first time any of them had seen me since I transitioned. Aunts, uncles, and cousins - my Mom's side of the family is fairly large - would all be there and I was honestly dreading walking in the door when I arrived at the house. It had been a while since I had been in a situation where my transition was new to someone and I had to answer all of the questions that people have when they first find out. I wasn't looking forward to a night of messed up names/pronouns or the looks you get from people who are trying to deconstruct you and find some visual clue of the person they used to know.

To my continued surprise, the evening was no different than any other Thanksgiving I'd spent with my family in the past. For whatever reason, everyone acted like this is how things had always been. I wasn't asked any questions about my transition, didn't notice any strange looks, and no one had any problems with my name or pronouns. I'm not sure if it was some strange form of denial or that they're just really cool people but, either way, I was really grateful for their acceptance.

That night, I left with my parents for their place in Palm Springs. We stayed there over night before leaving the next morning for Phoenix. We'd found out that my cousin wasn't going to be released from the hospital until Friday, so we decided we would visit her on Saturday after she'd had a chance to get settled in back at home. One of my best friends lives just south of Phoenix, so I headed down there when I got into to town for a quick overnight visit.

I hadn't seen my friend or his family since Sean's wedding the year before and it was really nice to visit with them again. They have the cutest little girl and she was still as adorable as ever. This friend of mine - his name is Earl - was the bass player in the band I was in back in Omaha and we spent a good amount of time reminiscing about the "good old days". My life was much different back then and, overall, I wasn't a very happy person but I still cherish many of the memories we had together. At one point, he broke out a video taped interview we had done for a TV show about ten years ago and I had a true out of body experience watching my old self on the tape. I have a copy of the interview and may post it here at some point but, in keeping with my new years resolution, I'm not promising anything.

I met up with my cousin who'd recently had surgery along with a couple of aunts and other cousins the next day. Just like Thanksgiving dinner, it was a non-event in terms of them acting any different toward me and we all had an enjoyable visit, under the circumstances. I'm happy to say that my cousin appears to be recovering very well and is putting her tremendous spirit into fighting her way back to good health.

My parents and I left later that day to begin the long drive back to Colorado. We ran into quite a bit of snow on Sunday which made for an even longer trip in pretty challenging conditions. We all survived though and I think I rolled in to my apartment around 10pm that night.

I think that just about covers the month of November. This has gotten longer than I thought it would so I'll have to write about December in another post, if you're lucky. :)